Unleash Me Let Me Go. It's Part of Our Healing. Yours & Mine.

Q: Dear Jack. You talk about letting them go. Not binding them to you with the grief. How do you know when you have cut the leash so that they can run free and have fun? 

A: When you are no longer clinging to them.

Q: How do you know when you are no longer clinging to them?

A: You are no longer clinging to them when you no longer have pain over them. When you no longer allow yourself to suffer. When you have peace and you can smile when you think of them. When you have accepted that they are now living in another dimension, but living nonetheless. You can still miss them, you can still have tender tears, but it's the pain and suffering about it that must be severed from your being. The pain and the suffering weave together to create the leash that binds. 

Did He Know I Loved Him?

Dear Jack, 

It's 4am and I cant sleep. I really want to know what my boy went through at the end, not that it will help or maybe it would. I just want to hear that he didn't suffer too much. 

I Love You and I Know You Love Me Too

Dear One,

The fact that you were there with him offsets any suffering your boy may have had. Being surrounded by love always alleviates pain and suffering. When we love, our endorphins kick in. Endorphins are the natural antidepressants that are created in the natural pharmacy in our bodies. When we are loved, we are more immune to feeling the effects of discomfort. Some of us choose to die alone. Some of choose to be at the side of the one who loved us. Just like people, animals are all different and they have the ability to make some choices such as this. 

His suffering was short-lived compared to the life he lived and loved with you....and all of that life is but a blink of an eye when compared to the eternal life he is living now. It was just a tiny moment in time. You'll see when you are together again with him. You'll see how it all works and you will look back and say how foolish you were to worry so. But worry, it's the human condition. It cannot be helped. Worry is your teacher. 

Did he know you loved him?  The answer to this is the non-prescription drug that brings peace to everyone. Ahhhh, to know they were loved! We all need to know we are loved and we need to believe that those we love the most know that they are loved in return. Love is the drug. Love is the key. Love is the answer. Love is the question. Love is the secret. Love is everything. While you continue to suffer, he has moved beyond suffering. He is not suffering now. When we enter Rainbow Bridge ---and ultimately Heaven--- any of the "bad" memories leave us. The physical scars and feelings heal instantaneously and if he hurts, it's only because you are still unhappy. 

The best thing you can do, now that you know he knows you love him, is to love yourself. Love yourself so much that there is no room for guilt and second-guessing.  

LOVE,

Jack

The Jack McAfghan Trilogy is available on Amazon Worldwide in Print and on Kindle. Click here for more information! Our story is your story too. 💖

Planning for the Inevitable: Learn to Communicate Ahead of Time

Hi Jack, 
It has been a long time and when it is too hard for my human brain to know, I must come back to you. My Balto is 12 years old. He still looks like a baby but he is having increasing issues with osteoarthitis. His Vet asked me if I wanted to try laser treatment to ease the pain. I wonder if this will work? I just want to be sure he will let me know ahead of time so I do not let him suffer...On the other hand I want Him to have a quiet life.  I don't know much about his life before he came to me. He was 9 years old when we met in a shelter. I really hope I will understand his signs when they come to me. Sometimes Veterinarians are only doing their job but in the same time I want to try everything to ease his pain. I am a little bit lost. Anyway I can at last feel his love now. I am sorry if this message is not clear. And as I told Kate I have your Book close to me...... ♡♡♡♡
Love, 
Balto's "Mom" 


Dear Mom, 
The energy of your message is very clear because you write from a place of love and I always understand love. Please say Hi to Balto for me. If you can get a product called Dasaquin, it helped me a lot. I was struggling a bit moving around too and once we went on that I was like a puppy again -- all the way till the end. I don't know if it will work for Balto but it worked for me. Start with that... and then the laser if it doesn't work. 

I am glad you keep my book close to you because that is where I can always remind you that everything is okay, even if it doesn't feel like it is at the moment.  

I must tell you that the most important thing you can do these days is to sit quietly with Balto. Put your hand on his heart and the other hand on yours. Tell him that you want to learn to communicate with each other through your hearts and that you may need his help with this. This is where he will communicate with you when he is "gone from your sight" one day.  Sit quietly with him, breathe with him, feel your hearts together. It will be good for both of you.

Whenever the world gets to be too much, with your hands on your hearts everything always seems better because it reminds you that your power is in your heart, not your head.

Love, 
Jack

When We Truly Love, We Love Everything --- And Want To Take Care Of Everything

You know how it goes in the human mind. You see something that upsets you. You start imagining everything. You can't seem to turn it off. 

She saw a man in the city yesterday near the main intersection. He was walking about ten steps ahead of his very old-looking pit bull. The dog could hardly lift it's feet off the hot pavement, perhaps was dehydrated. A worn leather leash dragged by its side while the sauntering man chewed and spit his tobacco onto the curb ahead. 

While sitting at the stoplight Kate watched the man. The dog. Kate started crying. She passed through that intersection three different times during the course of the day. Every time she did, she cried for that ragged old dog. She worried that he was not being treated with care. That he was not loved. And yet he was so loyal to keep following his master. Her mind took over and created the worst possible scenarios! Had he had any water? Were his paws burning up? Couldn't his owner even hold his leash? What happens in the privacy of their home? She cried well into the evening. You know how it goes with the human mind that wants to care for and protect every living creature that exists.  She did not know how to stop thinking about that poor dog.

Then....Then she picked up our book, the one we wrote together. She opened it to Chapter 92. She read it... and then Chapter 93. She went back to Chapter 37 and read about Rox, the Rottweiler. 

She isn't crying anymore.

She could have taken a photo of the dog. The man. But she had too much respect for the dog to do that.
This photo that looks quite similar -- but the dog is much younger and healthier.... This is what the old tired dog will look like by the time he returns to Rainbow Bridge.  

What Do I Do With The Hole in My Heart?

Separation Anxiety Reversed

Now you know the way I felt when I couldn't go with you.
You always came right home to me. 
Whey would it be any different now? 
Everything will be okay. I'll see you soon. I promise.

I'm just gone from your sight for a little while. 

I promise, you'll Come Home to me.

Have faith in this. Just wait and see. 

I'll be all excited at the gate

To see you, oh I cannot wait! 

Until then know I love you. 

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Why Does My Mind Keep Replaying the Trauma?

Dear Jack, 
My cat died somewhat suddenly last night. Everything was fine and then it was 45 unanticipated minutes of struggle and racing to the Emergency Animal Hospital. I am trying so hard not to cry today, to celebrate his life rather than to dwell on last night. Why is it that my mind is on constant replay of the horrific way he struggled and passed?  I so want time to hurry up, to be next week or next month so I do not break down. No matter how many one loses it does not seem to get any easier...
Love,
Sue

Dear Sue, 
Please go easy on yourself. You have lost someone near and dear to you. It is totally natural that you would need to shed tears, cry and weep over your loss. If you restrain your tears, it could make you sick. Your tears need to be released.

Remember there are Five Stages of Grief that we travel through when we lose someone.

The "Replay Phenomenon" that we all tend to go through to one extent or another is our mind's natural way of processing trauma and loss. It is natural to replay in your mind the details and circumstances of any kind of trauma that changes your life. Deep in your heart you know what is true. Your mouth speaks the truth, "My cat has died." but you still don't want to believe it. You go over and over and over it in your mind because you are in the stage of denial. Your heart replays the scene for you, for the express purpose of teaching you to accept what has happened. While your heart tries to "rewire" your mind to accept and understand what has happened, your mind keeps looking for a different answer. It doesn't like the truth. Alas you keep getting the same answer; the scene always ends the same way. Every time you see it replaying, you say to yourself, "No. It cannot be true." Replay. Replay. "No." "No". Every time you argue, "No". Much of this you aren't even conscious of. You just know you feel terrible, tired, lost and confused.

The grief process includes this complex defense mechanism of the body's heart and mind. The trauma is simply too much information to process all at once. Just like when you are learning something that is complicated, you need to read it over and over until you understand it. You need to take the course again. You need to watch the video one more time to grasp the lesson. You finally learn. One day, in a time that is not predesigned, you have to admit that, "Yes" it is true. What happened is true and your loved one is gone. They aren't coming back to this place. Once you comprehend this, you can move forward with acceptance in the deepest part of your mind. 

The difficulty arises when you get stuck in the saying, "No, no, no, no..." and "No" becomes a habit. The head and the heart become disconnected. You get stuck in your head and you forget about your heart and what it knows to be true. You make what your head is saying stronger than what your heart is saying. 

Your head is not necessarily your friend. It does not tell you to forgive yourself. Your head will tend to tell you that you are guilty; that you must have done something wrong. When you are stuck in your head, you cannot access the love in your heart that is forgiveness for all (including you) and belief in the love of everything. The heart is your true strength, but your mind thinks that it is the stronger of the two. When you are stuck, the bridge between your head and your heart needs to be reconstructed.

If you are stuck in the replay groove of pain and need to join your head back with your heart, focus on your heart. Give it some attention. Treat it like a very dear friend whom you have neglected. Stop crying for just a little while. Breathe deeply. Clear your mind. Lay your hands upon your heart and feel its strength. Ask it for forgiveness. Ask it to bring you the peace of truth. Some people are in too much pain to be able to quiet their minds to do this. They may need the help of a professional or hospice counselor to get unstuck from the continual replaying of their grief.  

In the meantime, go easy on yourself. Give yourself permission to replay it a few times and then allow yourself to move ahead towards true healing. When you move ahead, you are one step closer to the Rainbow Bridge and one step closer to the one you love who resides there.   

Guilt Runs Rampant

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS OF GUILT? YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Kate suffers from it too. In fact, most human beings do! She posted this on my support group page and it generated quite a bit of dialogue and thought:

"I keep seeing the guilt that keeps running amuck in our lives. I experienced some more of it today.  We all LOVE LOVE LOVE-ed our best friends. I loved Jack more than I loved myself! I put his needs before mine (except for my having to go to work to pay for the things we needed...and I felt guilty about that too).  He ate better than I did! Now that I have Immy and Joey, we are walking many miles each day -- morning, noon and nighttime too.  It is more than I ever walked with Jack. Today we were out on our two mile morning walk and I found myself crying again.  "Maybe," I said, "just maybe if I had walked Jack more, he'd still be here." 

We cannot beat ourselves up. I have to tell myself that if he were alive today, he might have to endure a worse fate -- like becoming old and crippled into his senior years. He never had the chance. Instead of declining for months and years, he went with dignity in a matter of days. 

Someday I hope I can look back on this -- after I have completely healed -- and know that it was perfect and By Design. We can only do what we can do."

~ Kate