The One Thing That Keeps You Stuck in the Grief

Dear Jack: 

The hardest thing I'm dealing with right now is my guilt. I have lost people in my life, including my best human friend and my mother. Losing my Heart and Soul pet has hit me harder than anything and I miss him more than anyone ever and that is why I feel guilty. I've never admitted this to anyone other than a total stranger I happened to walk into at a doctors appt. who admitted the same thing after telling her about my best friend.

Sincerely,

Lost in Guilt

Dear Lost, 

You are no longer lost because the moment you realize what is holding you back, is the moment you can begin to move forward. It is part of the Acceptance process. 

During our years of working hospice we found that guilt is the #1 grief issue 90% of the time. Have you read my book yet because we address this in detail. That's one of the reasons we wrote my first book. Kate was riddled with guilt. She was stuck in the guilt of grief for six months or more. When you finally accept that guilt in unnecessary, you will emerge from the depths of the darkness, You find out that you are free and you realize that there is plenty of hope for healing and living a normal life again. A better than normal life for what we have taught you by our leaving. 

Guilt is all so unnecessary. Did you know that guilt doesn't even exist except in your own mind? But that might be too much for you to process right now. Please if you haven't already, get my book and let me comfort you on this topic. I will bring your best friend to you and release you both from the chains of guilt. In about 3-4 hours you can be in a totally different place. Please don't be afraid to go there. Your pet's world will open up when yours does. You are both connected and your grief impacts him. Now don't feel guilty about that too! It's a normal and human part of the process. 

Learn about it. Do it for you and do it for your best friend.

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Love,

Jack

What Do I Do With The Hole in My Heart?

Can't You See ?

Gone from this dream that you call life,

Gone from the noise and the pain and the strife,

In Heaven's dimension I now make my home.

Meanwhile you seem to feel so alone.

Can't you see that it's me in the wind through the trees?

I'm the song of the sun and the hawk on the breeze.

I listen, I feel you, you think I am gone...

Oh can't you see you are never alone?
Can't you see...

Rainbows and feathers and all things that fly,

Songs on the radio, clouds in the sky;

I come in vibration or in through a dream.

If only you'd see things are not what they seem.

Can't you see that it's me in the spark of twilight?

Can't you hear it's my voice in the crickets at night?

My love surrounds you in all that you do.

Wherever you go I am right beside you

Can't you see?

In the sunlight, the moonlight, the starlight...
You see, I'm waiting for you to recognize me

Can't you see?

Like the sun is at night, I'm just Gone From Your Sight

Can't you see? 

Lyrics by Jack McAfghan
Music by Kate McGahan  

Just Shadows in this World

Do you think your life is real?  Most of the life you think you know is just an illusion. The only thing that's really Real is the love between the beings who live there. Love is the only thing that lives beyond the mortal existence you call "life".  

We are all just shadows in this earthly world; silhouettes of Who We Really Are. In this photo, you can see Kate and Me only because the sun shines from behind and casts our image on the wall. Whether the sun is there or whether it isn't, makes no difference. We are there just the same.

Remember this the next time you think that I am not there; that your loved one is not there. Once in a great while conditions are right and we can Come Through to reveal ourselves to you ... but no matter what, we are there beside you. Always. 

Love, 

Jack

Love Finds You When You Least Expect It

One day we were driving along, minding our own business.

Then, in a most unexpected place...

My life changed in a heartbeat. I knew she was there. 

I sensed her spirit. I smelled her presence....

I saw her face; her soft apricot locks...
Her name was Sophia. 

She told me she had been waiting for me all of her life.

I felt the very same way about her.

Soon, all too soon, it was time to go.

Kate somehow knew that the memory would be worth saving. 

I'll never forget Sophia.  

...Sophia...  

Sophia. 

I'll see you in my dreams. 

The Day the Chair Chased Me Around the Parking Lot

IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING LOOKING BACK ON THIS, BUT ONE DAY WE WENT TO MEET OUR FRIEND TYLER AT THE LOCAL COFFEE SHOP. WE HAD A TABLE ON THE PATIO SO THAT I COULD BE THERE TOO. 

SHE PUT THE HANDLE OF MY LEASH UNDER THE LEG OF THE PLASTIC CHAIR WHILE SHE WENT INSIDE TO GET HER COFFEE. AT ONE POINT I MOVED AND THE CHAIR JUMPED AT ME! SO I RAN FROM IT AND IT CHASED ME ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT! THE MORE IT CHASED ME THE HARDER I RAN FROM IT! I DIDN'T REALIZE THEN THAT I WAS TIED TO IT AND WAS DRAGGING IT BEHIND ME THE WHOLE TIME. I DIDN'T STOP REACTING LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

SOMETIMES LIFE IS LIKE THAT. YOU CAN THINK SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS ATTACKING OR CHASING OR THREATENING YOU WHEN IT'S REALLY JUST THE THOUGHTS INSIDE YOUR HEAD...

...BUT NO ONE CAN TELL YOU THIS UNTIL YOU LOOK BACK ON IT AND REALIZE IT FOR YOURSELF. 

How To Find Me

Don't try to look too far for me. 

When you try too hard, you cannot see. 

On earth I was always at your feet. 

It would have done no good for you

to look around the town for me. 

I am not there. I am with you. 

I am here. 

Ready for a New Kind of Love

AM I GONE FROM YOUR SIGHT?

HAVE I CROSSED OVER THE RAINBOW?

IT'S OKAY TO GET ANOTHER PET IF THE SPIRIT MOVES YOU.

KNOW THAT I AM THE SPIRIT THAT MOVES YOU. 

This is Immy. Kate adopted her in May 2015.

Dear Kate, 
You can't replace me, but you can bring in a new kind of love. You've had her now for almost three months. You see her healing. You feel yourself healing too. It has taken this long for you to trust each other. She no longer runs from you. She comes to you seeking love. You are healed enough now to give her everything and more. But I know. I know that you love me. I still see you cry when you don't think you have everything, but you do. You do have everything. 
Love, 
Jack

You Can Only Heal What You Can Feel

I'm unhappy to see your Stoic grief.

You can only heal what you can feel. 

When you don't express, it is trapped inside

With no way out. 

It turns into anger; it turns into guilt.

Did you love me? For if you did,

YOU ARE NOT GUILTY of ANYTHING.

As I wait for your smile, I want you to cry;

Setting it free brings you closer to me.

Don't you see? Don't you see?

Set it free. Set me free. Set us free.  

"YOU WILL NEVER LOOK AT LIFE THE SAME WAY AGAIN"

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If You Look for Me and Believe in Me, You Will Find Me

She used to like those puzzles for kids where you try to find the things hidden in the picture.  She was really good at finding stuff! She needs only apply now what she learned then, for if she did, she would find me everywhere.  

Love: The Most Powerful Force

The beautiful thing about she and me, we never took anything for granted. Dogs never do and humans do sometimes when they have not yet learned that loss is a part of life. Once a human has had to say goodbye to a Best Friend, they learn to appreciate every day they have with their Best Friends to come. 

 We need you to love us. When you love us you are building a foundation of a love that extends beyond eternity. There is a reason love is called a "bond". The power of it can be amazing and it is the love that is the magnet that holds us together. Love. It is stronger than death. It is the strongest force in the Universe. Never ever give up believing that the best is yet to come. Never ever give up on love.  

My Friend Mr. Lizard Chapter 1: WHEN WE MET

I remember the first time I saw him.  He was hanging out at our friend Joanne's house right before her husband went to the hospital.  Everything was so serious and somber and yet Mr. Lizard was the biggest coolest-looking lizard I ever saw.  Usually I liked to chase lizards but this one... this one commanded respect.  This one seemed, somehow, to be my friend.  He was different from the others but I wasn't sure why.  He used to hang out under the light on the wall outside Joanne's front door.  

One day we learned that Joanne's husband died at the hospital.  We brought some dinner over for her.  We said "Hello" to Mr. Lizard when we arrived.  We said "See you tomorrow, Mr. Lizard," when we left.  When Tomorrow came Mr. Lizard was gone.  It was strange.  He had been there for many days and then we didn't see him for the longest time.