LETTER to JACK: You Cannot Lose Each Other

Dear Jack,

Today we are headed several hours away from home for a house inspection on a new home that will be closer to our family and aging parents. I'm conflicted by this move; will Winston follow me? I'm so afraid he won't.

Marion

There are no limitations, Marion. Once we cross the Rainbow we can do anything and everything we want to do and we can be anywhere (and everywhere) all at once. Winston will be with you every step of the way so you need not worry whether he will "find" you. You don't have to find something you never lost. 

Love, 

Jack

LETTER TO JACK: "I Feel Like I Let Her Down"

Thank you to our friends who ask their questions to help all of those who have similar experiences. You think my answers are helpful? Sometimes the questions are as helpful as the answers!  It is your question, but it is the question many others want to ask. 

Dear Jack,

My little girl has been gone three months. We had taken her to the vet and they ran all kinds of tests. I was told she was in good shape for what he called a 'old dog'. But she would not eat or poop... this vet had no compassion. I took her back again and he said "You need to think about putting her down." That was his answer to her problem. She was still so full of energy and my baby, the day after I took her to the vet for the second time, I found her dead in my hallway. When I called him he said, "I guess she made the decision for you." I feel like I let her down. I loved and still do love her so much.

Dear One, 

You did not let her down. You did what you could do. She did not want to be at the vet clinic in her final hours. None of us want to be in a vet clinic, even when we just go for shots! She wanted to be home ...believe it or not, she was in control of her own destiny. 

I can see where you were frustrated with the vet's in/attention, however again, she did not want to go through a bunch of tests and treatments. She was actually very glad that he was not aggressive about it! She knew that her time was coming. I did hospice work with Kate for many years and we learned that no matter how sick or even unconscious someone happens to be, they can have a certain element of control in their final hours and moments, when they can pass naturally. Your girl also did not want you to witness her passing, which is why she did it in the hallway when you were not there. By the time you saw her, she must have been at peace and she gave you this as her final earthly gift.  

I have looked her up here at her new Rainbow Address and I will be sure to keep a special watch over her. Bless you as you continue to heal.  

Ready for a New Kind of Love

AM I GONE FROM YOUR SIGHT?

HAVE I CROSSED OVER THE RAINBOW?

IT'S OKAY TO GET ANOTHER PET IF THE SPIRIT MOVES YOU.

KNOW THAT I AM THE SPIRIT THAT MOVES YOU. 

This is Immy. Kate adopted her in May 2015.

Dear Kate, 
You can't replace me, but you can bring in a new kind of love. You've had her now for almost three months. You see her healing. You feel yourself healing too. It has taken this long for you to trust each other. She no longer runs from you. She comes to you seeking love. You are healed enough now to give her everything and more. But I know. I know that you love me. I still see you cry when you don't think you have everything, but you do. You do have everything. 
Love, 
Jack

You Can Only Heal What You Can Feel

I'm unhappy to see your Stoic grief.

You can only heal what you can feel. 

When you don't express, it is trapped inside

With no way out. 

It turns into anger; it turns into guilt.

Did you love me? For if you did,

YOU ARE NOT GUILTY of ANYTHING.

As I wait for your smile, I want you to cry;

Setting it free brings you closer to me.

Don't you see? Don't you see?

Set it free. Set me free. Set us free.  

The Gift of ONE MORE DAY

How many of us have watched someone we love suffer for too long? They have spent weeks, months, years, declining and then, right after we make the decision to let them go, they surprise us by having a really good day?! It can throw us for a loop.   

One night Grady pee-ed all over our bed.  Our bed was also our "den," and any dog knows you don't dirty your den. This is how sick she was, to not be able to honor that. She was 14.  She had been incontinent(and arthritic and going blind and deaf over the years). Kate said to her that night, "I can't keep doing this." Kate was so tired from cleaning up after her and carrying her everywhere. Nonetheless, she did it for another two years.  It was all because she was waiting for God to call for Grady because she didn't want to have to make The Decision. 

She ultimately contacted the vet and scheduled euthanization for Monday. Sunday night we all slept on the floor with Grady instead of bringing her up onto our bed like we always did. It was the first time in many nights that she didn't get up every hour. She slept the whole night through! She got up in the morning, went outside with me with a wag in her tail! She gave a playful little awkward jump when I teased her... and she ate all of her breakfast! We couldn't believe it. Our hearts were full. 

It would be easy to second-guess whether we were doing the right thing, to move forward with the plans for the day. Maybe if we just slept on the floor with her every night she'd sleep through the night.... maybe this, maybe that, maybe, maybe, maybe...

Fortunately, our experience working with people on hospice reassured Kate. We had seen it over and over again in our therapy work. Many times people linger on their deathbeds; their breath is slowing, their feet are turning blue... and then all of a sudden one day, they rally back! Where they were confused they are now lucid. Those who were lethargic are miraculously alert and clear for the first time in a long time. They give us the impression that they are not dying after all! Oh everyone is so excited! They are clearly turning a corner and they will be well again! Our prayers have indeed been answered! 

Then, in 12 or 24 or more hours, they pass peacefully. It is not this way for everyone, but this has happened often in Kate's thirty years of experience. It matters not the age or the condition or the setting. I think perhaps it is one final chance for the body to have its Swan Song. When we know we can never do something again that we've always done, we always want to do it one more time. Sometimes that's what the final day is for. It gives us a chance to have one more time around before we transform into something else.   

"One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied..." 

(Click Here to listen to the song by Diamond Rio) 

"YOU WILL NEVER LOOK AT LIFE THE SAME WAY AGAIN"

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Should I Get Another Pet?

When? When do you think about getting another pet? It took her six months to even start thinking about it. She kept pushing it from her mind, telling herself "It's too soon. It's too soon." It's never too soon; it's never too late. You have your own timeline. You will do it when it's right for you, if it's right for you. There is nothing on earth that could make me happier than knowing that she gave another dog a chance at a beautiful life.