Letting Go: Try To See It From Another Point of View

When Kate and I worked for Hospice, we went to visit a family who had an elderly father at home. They had an old dog that was sick too. Her name was Blanca. I looked into Blanca’s eyes and I saw so much sadness there. It was more than sadness; I can't come up with an English word for it.

While Kate talked to the man and his family, I talked with Blanca. She told me that she was ready to cross over but that her master had begged her not to leave. Her master was asking her to stay, so she was staying. A dog is obedient above all else.

I learned that Blanca felt totally helpless. She was tired of living. She wanted to be free of her cumbersome body. She felt trapped. She loved her family but she suffered from a deep and painful longing to return Home. Her heavenly Master was calling for her but her earthly master was clinging to her. It was painful for her to be pulled in two different directions. She knew that I would understand. I felt very bad for her. I hoped that I would never have to live that way.

Jack McAfghan, Chapter 49

Do Like Dr. Doolittle -- You Must Talk to the Animals

Dear Jack, 
My beloved Barney crossed the Rainbow Bridge a few nights ago. My sister says that I should "tell" my other two cats, but this seems a little weird to me. My sister's always been a little "out there" so I thought I would ask you what I should do.
Thank you Jack.
Belinda

Dear Belinda,
ABSOLUTELY you must tell them. You must share everything that is going on. They live with you, they lived with Barney, they loved him too. They know what life is all about and they remember Where They Came From and Where They Are Going.  Humans may forget this, but this is no surprise to them.  Do not withhold information from them that will help them grow too. 

Have you learned from reading my book how alert and aware the four-leggeds are? Sometimes they are more alert than humans are. Sometimes they even care more than humans do. They want to know. They need to know. They sense clearly that something is going on and they will be very confused if you don't tell them what it is. They feel your emotions and your vibrational energy and they can become quite distressed if you do not help them to understand what's going on.  

Once you do tell them, they will need your care, comfort and compassion, so treat them gently and with understanding because they are grieving too. Their lives move much more quickly than yours do in the scheme of things, so you can go into it knowing that they will probably work through their grief rather quickly. Typically they will be resolving their grief by the time you get into the thick of yours. Then they will be there to help you with yours... because they understand.

This was a great question.  Thank you for asking it so I can share with others because some of them probably have the same question too.  

Love,
Jack

The Gift of ONE MORE DAY

How many of us have watched someone we love suffer for too long? They have spent weeks, months, years, declining and then, right after we make the decision to let them go, they surprise us by having a really good day?! It can throw us for a loop.   

One night Grady pee-ed all over our bed.  Our bed was also our "den," and any dog knows you don't dirty your den. This is how sick she was, to not be able to honor that. She was 14.  She had been incontinent(and arthritic and going blind and deaf over the years). Kate said to her that night, "I can't keep doing this." Kate was so tired from cleaning up after her and carrying her everywhere. Nonetheless, she did it for another two years.  It was all because she was waiting for God to call for Grady because she didn't want to have to make The Decision. 

She ultimately contacted the vet and scheduled euthanization for Monday. Sunday night we all slept on the floor with Grady instead of bringing her up onto our bed like we always did. It was the first time in many nights that she didn't get up every hour. She slept the whole night through! She got up in the morning, went outside with me with a wag in her tail! She gave a playful little awkward jump when I teased her... and she ate all of her breakfast! We couldn't believe it. Our hearts were full. 

It would be easy to second-guess whether we were doing the right thing, to move forward with the plans for the day. Maybe if we just slept on the floor with her every night she'd sleep through the night.... maybe this, maybe that, maybe, maybe, maybe...

Fortunately, our experience working with people on hospice reassured Kate. We had seen it over and over again in our therapy work. Many times people linger on their deathbeds; their breath is slowing, their feet are turning blue... and then all of a sudden one day, they rally back! Where they were confused they are now lucid. Those who were lethargic are miraculously alert and clear for the first time in a long time. They give us the impression that they are not dying after all! Oh everyone is so excited! They are clearly turning a corner and they will be well again! Our prayers have indeed been answered! 

Then, in 12 or 24 or more hours, they pass peacefully. It is not this way for everyone, but this has happened often in Kate's thirty years of experience. It matters not the age or the condition or the setting. I think perhaps it is one final chance for the body to have its Swan Song. When we know we can never do something again that we've always done, we always want to do it one more time. Sometimes that's what the final day is for. It gives us a chance to have one more time around before we transform into something else.   

"One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied..." 

(Click Here to listen to the song by Diamond Rio)