The Only Way to Fail When You Have Loved a Pet

Grady and I were walking one rainy evening up one of the main streets in our town... just off the Main Street.  As we reached the place we usually crossed to take the road to the village school, a moment was captured in time. If only we could turn it back and rewind. 

Grady and I waited at the edge of the street. As we were looking both ways before crossing, we heard a voice across the street call, "Widgie!" Widgie!"  The woman was calling for her dog; a beautiful Bernese Mountain Dog. The dog was running towards the street. Fast. Towards us. It had seen Grady and I guess it was rushing out to say hello to her.  It had no clue that a car was coming from Main Street. The car was not going fast; perhaps 25 mph. The roads were slippery from the rain. The dog kept running. It all seemed in slow motion. I can count on one hand how many times I have screamed in my life, but deep out of my gut came a loud involuntary scream. The collision was inevitable.

After the impact, the dog picked itself off the road and dragged itself into the nearby bushes.  We ran over, as did the owners, and we were with it until it lay lifeless... it just took a few moments. I thought it was interesting at the time that as soon as Widgie's spirit left, Grady turned and was ready to leave too. She knew his spirit had left his body, while Widgie's family clung to him and draped themselves over him crying --- like most humans do when the final moment comes. 

There was something about the incident. I felt responsible. Jack says in his book, if he could have any wish, he would always be in the right place at the right time.  I couldn't help but think If Only! If only Grady and I hadn't been walking at that time at that place! If only we had gone the other way towards the park instead of this way towards the school.  I felt to blame.  

I took a bouquet of flowers to the people the next day. They were very appreciative. With tear-filled eyes they told me "We should have gone through obedience training; then he would have come when we called."  "We should have built a fence; he never would have been near the street."  Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. We all do it.  The following week they were building a stockade fence. A few months later they had another dog, a Bernese also, and they were getting ready to start Obedience Training classes.  They had learned the important lesson that the loving Widgie had come to teach. 

We can get stuck on the guilt forever if we allow it to take over our minds.  Or we can learn from it and do better next time. This is what life is all about. Life is the school, love is the lesson.  We learn from every pet that comes to us what to do next time.  Eventually, if we have enough "teachers" and we are willing to learn from our circumstances, we will get it right. It will come as second nature. 

Widgie crossed Rainbow Bridge satisfied, knowing that he had fulfilled his promise. Like all other pets, he came into this life to teach. His loving "students" learned from the love of him...and the loss of him.  This is why pets don't live so long. We need enough sessions with them to get it right.  They live just long enough for us to live our lives with them and get it right.  It's all by Design and so are the circumstances.  I learned too. That's why I'm here on this blog and that's why I wrote "Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master", to share what I've learned from Jack and from Grady. And from Widgie.

It's not our fault, it's just life.  We only fail if we fail to learn.

A Message from Kate: The One Year Mark

My Dad passed within hours of Jack -- we will never know exactly when. I called him at 9 a.m. and at 11 a.m. and then I called the apartment manager to check on him. The police came to my door to let me know at 3 p.m. It was 12 hours between Jack's passing and the realization that my Dad was gone too.

You cannot separate grief. Grief is grief however you look at it. It does get complicated, however, when you think maybe you should have had a Facebook group named for your Dad instead of for your dog! But anyone who knows me says "Jack is the one who was always there for you, Kate. He was the one who loved you unconditionally - in a way that your human family cannot." Ultimately Jack was there for Dad too, on that first day away from this earth. Maybe my Dad finally learned the value of a dog. No doubt he needed Jack to help him find his way across the chasm -- perhaps even holding the curl of Jack's golden tail, as I had done so often in the dark, as they walked over the bridge together.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like it gets better with time. That's because when we first "lose" someone we love, we are in shock. Then time passes. The shock wears off and THEN we FEEL. OMG! What?! They say Time Heals but at first Time only seems to make us FEEL! It makes us FEEL BAD! But it's really just a crazy phase. It's a process. Once we get through that hurdle, there are some bumps in the road, but we do get better and better as we travel it.

Typical Stages - Not Everyone is the Same

Right about the time we begin to feel better, we bring the damper down upon it. Our joy is smothered by our perceived guilt and our self-blame. We do it to ourselves. Guilt is an illusion, created by man to have a weapon of control and emotional manipulation. It's the human condition. Guilt is an illusion. Guilt leads us to believe that someone else is ultimately responsible for our happiness. That is not true. It is not real. Yet we treat it like it has power over us. 

At Rainbow Bridge, all that matters is love. All that exists is love. Our pets, when they were here beside us on earth, all they knew was love. Love is what they came here to teach us; not guilt and shame. 

When you find the joy again or when something makes you smile, put your hands upon your heart and HOLD IT there! The heart is where the ones we have loved still live and they will help us to be happy again. By keeping ourselves happy, we keep them happy too. 

Keep the focus on the strength and power of the heart. 

Paris: And They Call the Terror-ists "Animals"

The death toll in the Paris massacre keeps rising.  How can people hurt people?  The media calls these terror-ists 'animals'.  They give them too much credit. Animals would never do this to each other. 

If you read my book you will find out that it is not all about death and dying and loss. It is about life and living and love. Someone said "I haven't read your book because I know how it ends."  There are many many chapters far ahead of what you call The End and there are many chapters that follow.  

The end is not the end!  The point of my book is that in every single chapter there is lesson to be learned. The chapters are short as they plant the seeds of love, compassion and faith through the entire book.  It is not about death, it is about life!

The more your learn about life and death and how we are all connected in this universe, the more you will know the importance of being forgiving, staying loving and thinking positive.  When you get caught up in the terror, the fear and the trepidation of events like last night's event in Paris, it puts more fear out into the world.  When you are able to remain calm, keeping a peaceful heart even when things around you are in turmoil, that peace will radiate out of you and circulate out into the world. 

Please keep loving and you will help to heal an aching world. 

Send your prayers and your love to France today.  

What Do I Do With The Hole in My Heart?

Can't You See ?

Gone from this dream that you call life,

Gone from the noise and the pain and the strife,

In Heaven's dimension I now make my home.

Meanwhile you seem to feel so alone.

Can't you see that it's me in the wind through the trees?

I'm the song of the sun and the hawk on the breeze.

I listen, I feel you, you think I am gone...

Oh can't you see you are never alone?
Can't you see...

Rainbows and feathers and all things that fly,

Songs on the radio, clouds in the sky;

I come in vibration or in through a dream.

If only you'd see things are not what they seem.

Can't you see that it's me in the spark of twilight?

Can't you hear it's my voice in the crickets at night?

My love surrounds you in all that you do.

Wherever you go I am right beside you

Can't you see?

In the sunlight, the moonlight, the starlight...
You see, I'm waiting for you to recognize me

Can't you see?

Like the sun is at night, I'm just Gone From Your Sight

Can't you see? 

Lyrics by Jack McAfghan
Music by Kate McGahan  

When Your Senior Pet Stops Eating...

When a human being stops eating due to illness and decline towards the end of life, it usually indicates they are ready to give up the fight. When one is frail, disabled and infirmed, the only control one has is to clench their teeth and refuse the food. So many people who don't understand this. They force feed or think that the patient is being uncooperative or unreasonable. The patient is just communicating in the only way they know how. They are saying Enough Is Enough. 

Sometimes we just need to be diagnosed to find out if there is something physically wrong, but typically if we are older or if we have already struggled with various issues, us animals often do the same thing. This is one of the clues for you, of knowing when the time is coming to help us on our way.

Did God Take Him Away to Punish Me?

Dear Jack, 
If it wasn't for my dog I would surely be dead or in prison. He had this little look he would give me like he was saying You Know You Shouldn't Do That, then he would come up and lick my face like he still loved me. He really turned my life around. He was a God send. I thought at first God took him to punish me for things I done but the Preacher told me God loves all the things we do and wasn't like that.
Pete

Dear Pete, 
God was not punishing you at all. He was giving you a glimpse of Him through your dog's awareness, forgiveness, love and acceptance of All That You Are. You are. You are loved. You are accepted. You are forgiven. This is what they come to teach us and this is why God sends them. 
I love you too, 
Jack