Don't Let The Memory Be Stronger Than You

by Kate McGahan

 The Side Yard

Just because I wrote a book doesn't mean that I am above my own sorrow and grief. I am just like you. We are just like each other when we grieve and I know when I tell you this story that your own story will come to mind. I apologize in advance, but just bringing the story into your mind will heal you a little bit more. If you're not ready to heal, then don't read any further.

I have a little side yard which is where I always took Jack in the mornings to do his "thing." He went in for surgery (for the removal of a rectal mass) on a Tuesday and during his 'recovery' period I took him to the side yard like we always did. But it wasn't like always. He tried to poop but he couldn't.  I won't go into detail, but I sat on the rocks that you see in the photo and I wept as I watched. It went on for three days.

I wouldn't go out into the yard after he passed; it bothered me too much. The memory was so strong that it took over the side yard. The memory was stronger than I was.

When I got Immy in early May, I started using the side yard again because it's really the only place we have shreds of grass around here. The first time I went out, it was really hard to be there. I couldn't stop thinking of him. I cried, I almost wept, again. The next time was a little better. Now, six weeks later, things have vastly improved. Jack is still "there" in The Yard In My Mind but every day it gets a little easier.

If we try to avoid the pain and the memories by avoiding a part of our life (or part of our property in this case) we will not progress. We will remain STUCK at the place where we started avoiding. We will never move beyond our grief. There was a very good book written years ago called "What You Feel You Can Heal". You cannot heal without going through the torrent of feelings that comes from facing reality and letting go of what no longer is.

I believe Jack is still beside me.  I need to remove him from that memory because it does not serve him either. He is happy and healthy and strong and he is full of light and love. There's no room in him for anything else but these things.

Jack in the Side Yard One Month Before He Passed

All is well.

A Gem of a Review for "Jack McAfghan"

Is Jack McAfghan a Controversial Book?

RESPONSE TO ONE OF OUR GROUP READERS

Dear Reader - Thank you for writing. I appreciate your thoughts as you read Jack's book. 

I understand your discomfort with the use of the term "just a dog" when Jack refers to himself.  Jack refers to himself as 'just a dog' because he is humble. He always knew how important he was to me -- as important as a brother or a husband would be. In our lives together I never referred to him as A Dog or My Dog -- he was simply JACK, because a definition of what he was to me does not exist in this world.  Even the word "dog" seems an unfair label. But we must live with labels in our society. It's what people understand and expect.  We know that there will be any number of people reading this book who believe that dogs are 'just' dogs. This is merely a strategy to reach those people as they move through the pages of Jack's life and ultimately find out that dogs are NOT just dogs. "Just a dog" is simply my writer's tactic to get on common ground with some readers.  

As for the role of 'Master' in my dog's life, I don't particularly care for the term either, in describing my relationship with Jack.  I use the term "master" in the book specifically to create metaphors for the concept that there is a higher level of power over the world that we live in. Some call it God, some call it Creator, some refer to The Universe or Divine Life Force. Man holds dominion over animals and Something holds dominion over man. Jack and I could only speak of what we personally believe in -- and what followers of Christianity tend to believe: that we are to be obedient followers of a (hopefully) loving God and yes, Master. I don't know what the Atheists will think when they read the book; I think the Agnostics will have a better time of it. 

Jack puts a Disclaimer in his Preface that states: "What you are about to read is my personal experience. It may not be true for everyone. What I have come to learn is this: whatever we believe to be true is what is true."  Jack refers to the scientific work of Einstein who has proven that 'We are energy and that energy cannot die, although it can often change form.'  Life must go on in some way, shape, or form beyond the grave. This is all we know. We know not what form it really takes. 

I grew up Catholic; now consider myself a spiritualist. I have studied philosophy and spirituality for over two decades. I believe in some way that we create our own reality by what we believe. I, like you, believe we need to believe in something that comforts us in order to survive and thrive. Bits and pieces of what I believe are scattered throughout Jack's book. I have 30 years of hospice work behind me. I have known a dozen or more people who have had near death experiences. I have seen people die many times. I have been with them. I have silently observed and processed death. I have seen magic happen in families and relationships in the final moments. I have seen the common yet intriguing phenomenon of people who see and hear and feel their deceased loved ones nearby as they themselves prepare to leave this life. 

You mention the 'mirror' effect. I, too, believe everyone (perhaps everyTHING) is our mirror. My next book is going to go into that in detail. That said, I am no "expert' on death, for who would be who hasn't died yet?  I believe in immortality and if I get to the end and it's just The End, well, I sure had a better time in life because I believed in something more. 

FYI, I'm not being defensive or trying to show you how much I know. There is no 'attitude' about anything here, although you wouldn't know that from just reading these black words typed onto a page. I, perhaps like you, enjoy the challenge of writing how I feel, the way I think, putting into words things I never have expressed before. You are a good writer, for your words are thoughtful and powerful and you have created this challenge for me here today. I'm not sure how effective I am with answering your questions. I'm still reeling from Jack's death, my Dad's death the following day and where all of this came from and why I was driven to write this book.

Jack came to me one night and I wrote seven pages that came pouring out the end of my pen. I don't know how it happened. I know that he was there. I can't explain it, the knowing of it. I am a natural born cynic so the fact that I couldn't rationalize my experience was interesting. It was out of my control. The concepts that came to me through him, many were foreign to me.  I read what I had written over and over and later it began to take hold and make sense as I integrated it with my career and observations over the years.

My goals with this book:

(1) To teach people that animals deserve more credit, honor and respect than many two-leggeds give to them. Keep in mind that in the Bible, only the humans were kicked out of Eden's paradise, not the animals.

(2) To help people to value the process of their own lives and to realize that there is more going on than the tangible world they have built around themselves.

(3) To plant the seeds which help a reader to believe -- or to renew their faith -- that there might be something more to believe in. 

"We don't have our precious ones to hold, to walk with or talk to, except in our minds," you say. There are those who would say that There is nothing OUT THERE; that 'All That Is' exists only in our mind.  If this is true, then you still have your precious one, don't you?  : )  

Kate

Letter to Jack: REX

Here's a photo of the lovely Rex and his best friend, Donna.

He's Been Gone From Here Almost a Year

Have you experienced the loss of a pet and the loss of a dear family member within days, 

or even hours, of each other?

When I crossed the Rainbow Bridge in the wee hours of August 1, 2014, it was no 

surprise to me that Kate's father would be crossing with me nine hours later. 

When he lived on the earth, he really had no use for dogs. He didn't understand that 

I was a thinking, feeling being just like him. The moment that he crossed over, 

he became just like me! He recognized who I really was. He saw who he really was too. 

We met at the edge of the Rainbow and we walked over it together.

Sometimes it happens this way. None of us can do it alone. The moment we leave 

this world, God makes sure that we are not alone. Not ever.

Thank you Joanne

Thank you to everyone who writes a review for us on Amazon. It lets people know that this book is worth the read.  

Destiny Plays Itself Out

She loved Immy in an instant. Immy was small, calm and beautiful. Knowing the situation, I knew that the breeder had not been willing to relinquish Immy until this very moment.  He wasn't supposed to. It was part of The Plan. Had this played out any differently, Kate would not have made the choices she made leading up to this point. I think she might have taken Georgie home.  Or then again she might not have. 

I waste no time on What Would Have Been because what happened was what was Meant To Be. Most things in life are meant to be. It needed to play out this way because I was assigned to this mission long before Kate even started looking at dogs. I needed to help her to heal and I needed to help her to find her next friend. The best friend for her to learn the lessons that she would need to move forward towards becoming all that she can be. 

Miss IMMY