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Saturday, September 12, 2015

Dear Jack: I Didn't Get To Say Goodbye


Dear Jack
I still miss my beautiful, loving little girl who I lost a year ago. I came home from work one day and she had passed away in the new dog bed that I just bought for her. That was one of the worst days of my life, she was 14 and a half and had not been sick, but she must have been suffering from something. I horribly regret that I wasn't with her when her time came; that breaks my heart to this day. I feel she's with me all of the time, she is all over my apartment, her pictures, her favorite spots, her bed. This loss has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to accept. I just wish I could see her sweet little face and hold her precious body once again. I feel so terrible that I didn't get to say goodbye. 
Please advise. 
Love, 
Amanda 


Dearest Amanda, 


I would like you to understand that your beloved girl passed in your absence because she did not want you to see her in her final moments. If it had been meant to be another way, it would have unfolded another way. It happened just the way it was supposed to happen. 


We have a friend named Patty who had a beloved cocker spaniel. It was quite old and it was declining rapidly. Patty took the whole week off from her work to be with her Buddy. She rarely left his side the whole week. Then, at about 10:30 one night, she stepped away from him just long enough to go the bathroom. When she came back, she found him. He had passed in the few moments when she had left his side. I believe he was waiting for her to leave so he could leave the way he wanted to. We get very sensitive to our best friends and we know that we don't want those last moments imprinted in your mind. We don't want you to see us until the peace has come to our face... and that peace comes very quickly. 


So often human beings try to maneuver and manipulate everything to control an outcome, but eventually most of them learn that no matter how focused and determined they are, they cannot control much of anything at all. They are not supposed to control things because God is in control. Sometimes God steps into situations like this to prove it to the human.... but the human can be a slow learner and most of them keep trying to control stuff anyway because they think they can.


Kate has worked Hospice long enough to know that people do the same thing. There they are, in their final earthly hours, and their family surrounds them in a 24 hour vigil. The moment the family member leaves the room, the person has the space to breathe their last breath in private peace. Not all of them -- but many do this. 


So rest assured, your girl did things on her own terms to the last second. Please don't worry for another moment! Don't you see she did not want to say goodbye. Why would she? She knows it's not goodbye! 


She is also very grateful that you can see her, feel her, sense her there. Everyone is capable of seeing us, but not everyone is able to do it. Please know that All is Well.


Love,

Jack

For more insights from Jack, click here to order his book on Amazon.



6 comments:

Denise Robertson said...

Beautifully written, Jack.I love the comfort and insight you bring to each of us who suffers these pains of loss and guilt. How quickly the pain can leave when you speak to us and be replaced with acceptance and peace..At least for a little while it seems. I don't know the specific pain Amanda feels as I had to make a sudden decision to let the ER vet who I had never met before help Harley pass when it was his time. I do believe God speaks to us through miracles like you that have the gift of words that makes sense where there seems to be none. Lovingly, Denise

Anonymous said...

Thank-you, Jack. I miss my Buster terribly. I miss him so very much. I also took a week away from work to try and heal him; it was not to be. Buster wss my first dog, and I wasn't prepared for the grief to follow. Over two years now, still miss my Buddy very much.

Jodie Kanter said...

Iwas with my rocky in his final hours and it was incredibly hard to watch he was fine one minute and then all of a sudden his back legs just gave out.i wont go into anymore detail but its been hard to not dwell on those last 4 hours. Jack has helped me replace those memories with the good 17 years God gave me with him.always stay open to all the signs they give us to let us know its not goodbye. Thank you jack for showing me what love really is.

Anonymous said...

I think Allie waited for me to return to her. We had to take her to the er vet on Friday. They thought they knew what was wrong and could treat her. Sunday morning they called us with sad news. We rushed to her and she collapsed as soon as I touched her...I held her while the vet helped her go. She waited for me. For us, that was right. Hugs to all of you. It has only been 8 days. I miss her with all my heart. Joanie Millward

Deborah Kelly said...

Dear Amanda...I feel your pain. The same thing happened to me. I came home to find that Sheppy passed in his bed. I even got on the floor and touched him and called his name thinking he was in a deep sleep. He had not been sick. I was all by myself and did not know what to do. Needless to say I was beside myself. As I sit here crying from your message and Jack's reply I just have to say it will be 5 months on April 17 since he passed. I also lost my beloved Max the year before. For me the grief has not subsided. I wish u the best and will keep u in my prayers and thoughts. Debby Kelly

Deborah Kelly said...

Dear Amanda...I feel your pain. The same thing happened to me. I came home to find that Sheppy passed in his bed. I even got on the floor and touched him and called his name thinking he was in a deep sleep. He had not been sick. I was all by myself and did not know what to do. Needless to say I was beside myself. As I sit here crying from your message and Jack's reply I just have to say it will be 5 months on April 17 since he passed. I also lost my beloved Max the year before. For me the grief has not subsided. I wish u the best and will keep u in my prayers and thoughts. Debby Kelly