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Monday, April 17, 2017

The Guilt of Grief

What's typically the first thing you say to yourself when someone you love has died?  "I wasn't there."  "I should've called more often." "I should have loved them more." "I wish we'd ended on a more positive note."  

And when it comes to your four-legged friends? "I wish we'd taken more walks." "I should have fed her healthier food." "I waited too long to take him to the vet."  "I took him to the vet too soon." "I could've done more. I didn't do enough."  It's the human condition to go through this torment in one's mind. 

Some humans try to control so many circumstances in their lives. They think they are responsible for holding their world together. Then they find out in difficult times, that they are not really in control of much of anything at all. It was all a facade and many go through high hoops and spend a lot of energy trying to prove to themselves that they can control everything. It is humbling and eventually it is free-ing for them to find out that they had no power over what happened. You do not have to hold the world together. God takes care of that. Your job is to try to control your mind and let the power of the love in your heart lead the way through the shadows and out the other side. 
Keep in mind that when you have no control over something, YOU CANNOT BLAME YOURSELF. There are some people who are so controlling that they leave decisions up to someone else so in the event it is the wrong decision they can maintain their "innocence" and blame the one who made the decision! You silly willy humans! It's all such a common and often unconscious game that only goes to keep you apart from each other. 

Guilt and Blame is a common thread for all who grieve and yet there is nothing you could've done or should've done. It was out of your hands. After all, you know what the outcome would have been if you had an ounce of say in the matter...In the Guilt of Grief, you are completely innocent. Higher Powers are at the helm of circumstance and destiny. They know what They are doing and why. There are reasons you cannot possibly know now, but you will someday. What you CAN control is how you respond to what happens to you. It's one more thing we come to teach you. The fact is that You loved and your love is always enough.  


"You can't turn back the clock. You cannot change the circumstances. You never could change them. They were set in Destiny, in the fate of the Rainbow Time Schedule. Even things that might seem to be accidents were pre-destined. You need to love yourself as much as your pet loves you...and forgive yourself for everything. You are not guilty of anything."  
from the book, Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master by Kate McGahan

4 comments:

Denise Robertson said...

Jack your topic is so timely! You are amazing and I love you. God gifted you to Kate so she could learn and share your lessons with each of us. The work now lies ahead to expand this group to the four corners of the globe! I want to do my part!

Kelly said...

Beautifully saiid Kate. I remember the guilt and the grief I experienced when we first lost Sophie. Circumstances are just that...circumstances and we have not control over what is fated or destined . A step this way or that way in either direction might change our lives forever. I remember the first time I saw Jack on Facebook, I joined this wonderful group because My Sophie was speaking to me through Jack. He helped me find my healing path and for that reason I know she is always close by and will lead me to the Rainbow Bridge when it's time

Jack McAfghan said...

Thank you Denise and Kelly. I'm so glad you both found my page and my book. You are an important part of sharing my message to help others to heal. There is nothing more important. Not for us and not for them. Bless you both on your journey. And in time that will pass in the blink of an eye..... we will meet again.

Vivian said...

As my vet had told me, regardless what decision I made, I would always wandered if I "should have" done it the other way. There will never be an answer. Often time, guilt is irrational. When I am in the midst of it, I allow myself to have a good cry and then I read Jack's book again and read the threads that people commented on my posting. I then take it in, chew on the wisdom of the words, then I feel relieved.